At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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