i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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