Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
