Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize