glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize