shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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