It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
