My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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