Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
