I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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