I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
