If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
