well I can't set my house on fire every night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize