Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You don't make any sense
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