he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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