The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
