I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
