Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
