i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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