and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
