dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
