nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
