i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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