he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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