What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
