i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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