So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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