youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
