i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
