I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
