I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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