I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
