my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
