You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
