We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
