matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize