i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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