I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
