if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
