Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
