i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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