Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
