LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize