I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
