He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
