her vagine was all disorganized.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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