she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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