Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
