I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
