Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
