he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Naked. naked and bneed help.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize