help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
