I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
