I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
