Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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