Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
