I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
