He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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