I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize