I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
