Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
