you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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