It was confusing and full of hummus
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
