why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize