Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
