I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize