everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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