like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
