The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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