Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize