I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
