woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
