me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
