I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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