Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
MIDGETS
????
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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