Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
