I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
