I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
