who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize