what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
