We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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