i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
