You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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