Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've blown a few things in my day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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