i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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