do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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