This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
