that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
