hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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