Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
