well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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