I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
