Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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