eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
