MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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