i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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