there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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