This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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