Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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