Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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