my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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