i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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