what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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