I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
