i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize