'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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