Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
