Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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