3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
