OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize