I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i now understand why vodka
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
