Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
