Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
