i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
