I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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