I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize