Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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