i permit you to call me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Panties = found
Randomize
