He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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