Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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